Handman Take One

I am usually one of the first ones to toot my own horn when it comes to home improvement projects around the house. I am sure you have all seen or heard about the basement bar, the fake fireplace, two headed shower, TV in the shower, "Rave Party" garage, and / or family room pay-phone. Well this story is one of those not so great home improvement stories. It is actually more furniture related but I will file it under home improvements. Enjoy.

September 20th, 2004

I ordered up the High Definition Package from the local cable TV Distributor (Off the subject, but still true, I hate the cable company) just as football season was to begin. In doing so, I felt it necessary to get a comfortable chair. I purchased a recliner with a swivel kit. But the swivel kit was not attached. I have done plumbing that leaks and bursts in the cold of winter, and electrically shocked myself at least 10 times, I figured how hard can it be to attach a swivel kit. It was the night of the first Monday Night Football Game of the season and the plan was to have the chair together for kickoff. I got all of my tools out and laid out all of the parts and directions and got to work. I removed the feet, and in doing so it uncompressed the rocking springs. To attach the swivel kit you need to compress the rocking springs and place a bolt through two pieces of metal. And of course the nut can only be put on from the underside. I ended up vice gripping the two pieces of metal together and began putting on the nut. The edges of the metal pieces were rounded and as I balanced the nut on my index finger underneath and turned the bolt from the top, the vice grips slipped off. This set off a chain reaction of decompressing the spring rather rapidly and then slamming my finger, nail first, into a bolt that was opposite of the bolt I was working on. I would say it is a safe estimate that I was lying on the floor sweating and writhing in pain for at least 10 minutes. Not being a quitter, with my purple finger nail I returned to the chair. This time I balanced the nut on my middle finger, it wasn’t 15 seconds after I got everything clamped together again and started threading the bolt that the whole thing sprung apart again with the same result, this time the opposite bolt drove right through my finger nail, leaving a bolt size hole for the blood to drain out through. Being used to the pain, it only took me 5 minutes of laying on the floor in pain. I guess the third time was the charm, as I got the chair together by half time. I didn't enjoy the game at all that night and it took 5 months for the damaged part of the nail to grow out.

The Lombardi Trophy Comes Home

You may have guess from my "Survivor League", "NCAA Pool", trips to Potowatomi (in which it has been well over a year since I have been there) and lastly my "Fantasy Football League" that I have a mild gambling problem. Well you need not worry. All is well. I realize that this is a topic that no one likes to hear about. I myself could really careless about anyone else's fantasy football team. But in this particular case I am going to boast about my team. Afterall we are League Champions and this is my blog. I would like to point out the highlights of the year. First was the draft, when in the 7th round a savvy, Ron Wolf like General Manager took a gamble on a back up running back for the Kansas City Chiefs by the name of, Larry Johnson. I fast forward to week 8 of the NFL season. The starting running back for the Chiefs, Priest Holmes, gets injured and in steps on Larry Johnson. I would like to mention that at this point in the Fantasy Football Season, my team, "Bubble Gum and Duct Tape", had limped to a 2-6 record. We were close in many games but we were just missing that one piece. With that piece in place "Bubble Gum and Duct Tape" managed to easily run the table for the remainder of the regular season and finished in 3rd place with a 7-6 record. But 3rd place wasn't all that too easy to come by. You see in the final week of the season Dave "The General" Stegall and I were going to finish with the same record, but whomever had the higher season total would take 3rd place. Going into the Monday Night Football Game that week, I had a slim 8.4 point lead with all of my players done for the week and "The General" only had his kicker left. You may recall this game, it was Seattle Seahawks 42-0 demolition of the Philadelphia Eagles. "The General" had the Seahawks kicker, Josh Brown on his team. I received a phone call from "The General" midway through the 4th quarter, at which point the score was 42-0, and Josh Brown had already earned 6 points. I told "The General" that there was no way that the Seahawks would be taking any field goals the remainder of the game, but no sooner did the words leave my mouth and Philadelphia turned the ball over in their half of the field. But Philadelphia force a fourth down, with that and to my amazement, Seattle's special teams unit came out on the snow covered field to attempt a 40 yard field goal that would harmlessly increase the score to 45-0, but would severely effect my 3rd place finish. We both held our breath as the kick sailed wide left. Then I just laughed at "The General" and then hung up on him before he could explain how he was going to take his frustration out on his cats. Personally I don't want to know, but I do know that everytime I stop by his place, his cats all limp. The playoffs were a mere formality, I set the cruise control and "Bubble Gum and Duct Tape" went on to take home the Super Bowl trophy. And what makes it even more sweet is that the Super Bowl match up was against my arch nemesis Dave "The General" Stegall. I would like to say it was a good match up and that his team put up a fight, but they didn't nor did he. I think it is about time I make up a plaque for the wall. I appreciate you reading this far. And I promise that I won't bore you with another long read about fantasy football until I win the league again.

Christmas Weekend

I really didn't have much that was all too noteworthy occur this Christmas weekend, so I thought I would just share some pictures. I hope you all had a great holiday and I hope you enjoy the pictures.

SURVIVOR LEAGUE WEEK 17

And then there were two. Tree is no longer with us. So we are down to Todd and Sherman. Here are your SPREADS. And here are your used up teams:

Sherman: Baltimore, Chicago, Cincinnati, Denver, Indianapolis, Miami, New England, New York Giants, Pittsburgh,Tennessee and Seattle.

Todd: Carolina, Chicago, Cincinnati, Denver, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, New England, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Seattle and Washington.

I hate to by a hypocrite here, but I am going to be one. Even though I rarely ever vote during elections. I am a bit disappointed in the number of remarks I received in regards to the cheerleader controversy. Regardless I am glad to bring the girls back. I like Denver over the San Diego Chargers. I will say that with this being the last week of the season I saved the best for last. The Bronco Cheerleaders appear to be a great bunch of hard working girls. I highly suggest checking out the Squad.

Party at the Moon Tower

For all of those Dazed and Confused fans out there.

WOODERSON "How you doing?"
CYNTHIA "Pretty good."
WOODERSON "Cool. You heard about the party being busted right?"
CYNTHIA "Oh yeah."
WOODERSON "Yeah. Not to worry. There's a new fiesta in the making as we speak. It's out at the Moon Tower, full kegs, everybody's going to be there, you ought to go."

If you know me then you probably know my friend Justus. Justus phoned me this morning and informed me of a party at his place tonight. Tonight being Christmas Eve Eve. He asked me to spread the word. So in knowning what wide readership I have, I thought I would make a posting announcing the party. Justus lives at 3254 Bay View Ct. Delafield, WI 53045. His phone number is 262-646-3273. Call him day or night. He actually enjoys phone calls at night, the later the better. You don't need to bring anything just show up. I have attached a link with a MAP.

Whiskey Jars and Scandals

Wednesday night I went down to Linnemann's to see my friend and fellow soccer player Brian Sanchez and his band "Whiskey Jars & Scandals" play. They followed an open mic night and played for a half an hour. They were really good. So I thought I would give Brian a little press here and post a picture.

SURVIVOR WEEK 16

We still have three who are fighting strong. For the record and as I have stated in the past, in the event that things are still tied at the end of the regular season, I will carry it over to the playoffs. I will go over the rules that I have made up as I go at that time, if need be. Here are the SPREADS.


Tree: Atlanta, Carolina, Chicago, Cincinnati, Dallas, Denver, Jacksonville, Minnesota, New England and Seattle.

Sherman: Baltimore, Chicago, Cincinnati, Denver, Indianapolis, Miami, New England, New York Giants, Tennessee and Seattle.

Todd: Carolina, Chicago, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, New England, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Seattle and Washington.

You may have read that my Godwife has not been happy with the credit and attention that I have been giving to the hard working women who cheer on their respective teams each and every week in the NFL. I believe in democracy. So until I hear an outcry by those who enjoy the weekly spotlight that I shine on one lucky cheerleader, I will discontinue that portion of my Survivor League Posting.

Colorado Skiing

I spent this last weekend out in Colorado. I went with Eric and Nate to go visit and ski with our friend, Russ. Let me give you the run down of the weekends events. Michel dropped us off at the airport Thursday night. We flew out on Frontier Airlines which is based out of Denver. I highly recommend flying with Frontier if you get the opportunity. The best feature, which I am sure is a feature that will be coming to other airlines, is that their airplanes are equipped with direct TV and each seat has a small 4 inch LCD in the head rest so that you can watch TV the entire trip. Of course they hit you up for $5, but it makes the flight much more enjoyable and seem to go much faster. Once in Denver we drove the hour and a half to Dillion where Russ had a time share. He wasn't around so we dropped off our stuff and went to the Dam Brewery. Since it was around midnight, it wasn't too busy but they had a horrible band playing. And what was worse is that they were so loud. I think the only song they played was called "feedback" because that is all that I heard coming from the speakers. I woke up Friday morning and I felt like absolute garbage. I only had a couple of beers the night before, so it is believed that I had altitude sickness. Seriously. I don't think I was hung over because I only had 5 beers the night before. On the way to Copper Mountain, where we skied the entire weekend, we stopped at a gas station and I threw up. See me posing with my puke in the picture. Then once we got to the parking lot at Copper Mountain I threw up again. That time was basically all bile. Fun stuff. But I didn't fly all the way out there for nothing. So I got myself together and powered through the pain and still got in close to 3 hours of skiing. After skiing we went to my favorite place in Frisco, Barkley's Bar. Their happy hour specials are great, and cheap, $1 burgers, hot dogs and tacos. And $1.50 Pabst Blue Ribbon. Saturday was pretty much a carbon copy of Friday, without me throwing up. Saturday night we played a little Texas Hold'em. Nate cleaned up on everyone. Sunday was probably the laziest day I have had in a long time. We went to the Dam Brewery again to watch the early football games. Then we went back to the place we were staying at to watch the late football game and we got a couple movies in. I was either laying on the couch or the floor for all afternoon and all night. Monday we were up pretty early and were on the hill by 9:00 a.m. They had received about 5 inches of fresh powder. It took a little time for the midwesterners to get used to skiing in powder since none of us had really skied much in it. But it was great. I guess one of the highlights of the day was while we were debating on which run to take, there was a black diamond run which went through the trees and was full of moguls. It is no surprise that of the four of us, I am the worst skier. I was going to head around this run and take a easier run and meet them at the chair lift. Then Nate said to me "You know a 7 year old girl just went down this run." I hope she fell as many times as I did. I made one quick turn to slow myself down between two trees and both my skis popped off and flew 20 feet into the woods. Maneuvering through 4 feet of snow with ski boots on to retrieve my skis in the middle of a forest is fun. Thanks Nate. And then we came home late Monday night. It was a great ski trip. Thanks Russ for inviting us out. And if all goes well I am planning on getting back out there in February when Krum is headed out there. Krum you are still going right?

SURVIVOR WEEK 15

I know that this is early. But I am off to Colorado this week for some skiing so I am getting this out early. We lost Joe this week so we are now down to three. As usual, here are the SPREADS.

And what we have left:
Tree: Atlanta, Carolina, Chicago, Cincinnati, Dallas, Denver, Minnesota, New England and Seattle.

Sherman: Baltimore, Chicago, Cincinnati, Denver, Indianapolis, New England, New York Giants, Tennessee and Seattle.

Todd: Chicago, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, New England, Pittsburgh, San Diego Seattle and Washington.

And I really don't even know who they are playing, but I am going with the most famous cheerleading squad of all time. The Dallas Cowboys. So please give a warm round of applause for Tricia.

Whitewater Game

This past weekend, I really let my maturity show through. My cousin, Mike, is on the Whitewater Football Team, who hosted the National Semifinal game on Saturday. Friday night, Mike’s Dad, Sherman, called to invite to tailgate with them and go to the game. I didn’t reply and thought I would just show up and surprise everyone. I wasn’t sure how big either the parking lot or stadium were, so I was a bit concerned in finding them. Being that it was pretty cold out and knowing the more attention that I brought to myself the easier it would be to find them, I decided to dawn the gorilla suit. Plus as long as the wind isn’t blowing, it is really warm. Once I parked it took me all of ten minutes to find them. My aunt and uncle, my dad, my three younger cousins and their boyfriend and girlfriend were all in attendance. But they pushed back the time of the game and we ended up running out of beer. The University did put on something of a free tailgate party with free food and beer. However by the time we got over there, about 20 minutes before game time, they only had beer left and it was way too packed around the beer table to get a beer. I took it upon myself to be resourceful and get beer elsewhere. I found a couple of guys who were drinking in the parking lot and bought a couple beers off of them for a buck a piece. While the University was hosting a free tailgate party with beer, beer is not sold our allowed in the stadium, sort of hypocritical if you ask me. So this is where I have used my refined skills in the art of the carry in. I wrapped the beer up in my blanket and walked right in. I met up with everyone else in my group and hand out the beers to everyone. We are all enjoying ourselves. Whitewater is manhandling the other team. The snow is falling but yet it isn’t too cold. Everyone finished their first beer and there was only one left, and since I paid for it I might as well drink it. The game is nearly the end of the first quarter and I have about 2 gulps left of my second and last beer. Out of the corner of my eye I see two people walking down the row towards me. I turn and look and it is two cops. You guessed it; they came to haul me away. The more I think about it, the more I think that someone around me ratted me out. Nonetheless, in front of my dad, my aunt and uncle and my younger cousins, who I should be setting an example for, I get escorted out of the stadium. As I was walking out with the cops I had to walk past pretty much the entire crowd. And every 9 or 10 steps I would hear someone from the crowd yell out “Hey, you aren’t throwing the gorilla out?!?” And these hard ass cops would yell back “Yes, we are!” Can you imagine that? Cops who are hard asses. So I got kicked out and was told if I tried to get back in and they caught me I would be charged with trespassing. And I seriously considered changing clothes and getting back in at half time, but by the time I got back to my truck I was so cold, plus I turned on the radio in my truck and Whitewater was up by 30 points. So that is how mature I have become. I am 32 years old and getting kicked out of college football games.

SURVIVOR WEEK 14

I apologize for not getting this up sooner. But we all know how busy I can be at times. Actually who am I kidding. I have just been lazy this week. You should see how much laundry I have to do. Good thing I have Friday off. But I am sure you all could care less about me. Here are the SPREADS.

Here are the past picks.

Tree: Atlanta, Carolina, Chicago, Cincinnati, Dallas, Minnesota, New England and Seattle.

Quick on the draw Joe: Atlanta, Chicago, Cincinnati, Jacksonville, New England, Denver, Seattle and Tennessee.

Sherman: Baltimore, Chicago, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, New England, New York Giants, Denver and Seattle.

Todd: Chicago, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, New England, Pittsburgh, San Diego and Washington.

As far as my girlfriend goes, it was a tough choice. On the advice of a friend, I was told to check out the Washington Redskins. I actually put more time into picking out a cheerleader than I did any past weeks on the team that I picked. But I finally decided on Jen. It was the action photo that did it for me. Enjoy.

Thanksgiving Weekend

It has been a pretty wild last week or so for me. Let me give you a quick run down of what I have been up to. As you may know that Gun Deer Season started the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Sunday morning I was over at my parents house butchering away at the deer. I worked over there from last Sunday through to this Monday. We took Thanksgiving off, and at last count we took care of 197 deer in 8 days, that is about 25 a day. Pretty brutal. Last Wednesday I had indoor soccer. We again won and I again scored a goal. I should have had more. But with 3 games to go in the season, the team is 5-0 and I have a 20 to 15 point lead in scoring over one Dave "The General" Stegall. After Wednesday's game the team all went out to Pistol Pete's. I am always happy to make this outing because it is really the only time that the team gets together off the field all year. Thursday was Thanksgiving which was at my brother Jon's this year. The turkey was succulent. My sister hit a home run with home made rolls. I must have polished off 7 or 8 mini turkey sandwiches. But the tryptophan hit me hard. We started playing some sheepshead after dinner. In about a half an hour I was falling asleep at the table. Friday was that annual Natesgiving. Despite one small delay due to operator error on a thermometer reading everything was great. Thanks Nate and Michel. Saturday night I went with my brother, Dan, to the Bucks game. They lost but it was fun regardless. After a beer at the bar I went home to find a message from Andy and Brian from my soccer team. They were at the Up and Under on the Eastside and wanted me to meet them. Well I am always up for one more bar. So I headed back down to the Eastside. They had a band playing, Southbound. They were a decent band. But I am sure they were less than thrilled when after they finished I cornered the lead singer and I told him I wanted them to play "Can't You Hear Me Knocking" by the Rolling Stones. Nor did they want to hear that I was going to see Phil Lesh the following night. At bar time we headed to Oakland Gyros. I can never get sick of going to that place at bar time. As I mentioned Sunday night I went to see Phil Lesh with Chris Reimer. Just a great show. Check out the set list. Plus a real mellow crowd. Chris and I got within just a couple of feet of the stage towards the end of the show. Monday I had another indoor soccer game. And last night was the pinnacle of my last week or so. The General and I went to go and see the Dave Matthews Band at the Kohl Center in Madison. But first we had to go to Wando's for a fish bowl. That gets you off in the right direction for a concert. Check out this set list. Christmas Song, that was just a bonus to an already great concert. So tonight, Wednesday, I have another soccer game and then it is time to relax for the rest of the week. After a week and a half off of work, I think I am ready to get back to my cubicle and just space out for a day or so (Note the Office Space reference). So that is what I have been up to.

Dinner Time

Now that we are beginning to reach the holiday season where families get together to celebrate each others company as well as eat drink and be merry. I would like to share with you my favorite family dinner story. This one goes way back to the early 90's, I am guessing 1992 or 1993. My older brother, Dan, was dating his wife now, girlfriend at that time, Jodi. I had meet them out at the bars a couple times. I had got to know Jodi a little bit while she knew no one else in my family. Eventually their relationship got to the point where it was time to come and meet the entire family. Obviously Jodi was a bit nervous, and probably a little intimidated since we have a good size family. Jodi didn't say much before dinner, and other than Dan, I was the only other person that she knew and her only other real ally. But that would quickly change. I forgot what my mom cooked up that night, but I believe just about everyone in the family was there so we must have had at least 10 people around the dining room table. I am pretty sure we had to put two extra leafs in the table. The seating situation was that Jodi was sitting directly across from me, with Dan and my mom on either side of her. Jodi didn't really say much of anything all of dinner. I think my dad might have asked her a question or two and she didn't give much more than a one or two word answer. We had finished dinner and there was a little small talk going on around the table. I am guessing most of it was done by my brothers talking about either cutting down a tree or killing some type of animal. Finally when there was a lull in the conversation, I decided it was time to be the little trouble maker that I am. I announced "Well Jodi, I don't need to impress my mom so why don't you take my plate into the kitchen?" At which point I picked up my plate and extended it towards Jodi. Jodi with a shocked look on her face, looked at me, then at Dan, then at my mom. She then pushed her chair back, stood up, grabbed my plate and carried it in to the kitchen. Of course since that time, Dan and Jodi got married and have two wonderful kids. Now when there is a family get together and we are all sitting together eating at the dining room table, Jodi makes me clear her plate. That is fine, I am happy to do it, because no matter what, she will never get me back as bad as I got her. On that note a belated Happy Thanksgiving.

SURVIVOR LEAGUE WEEK 13

It is a sad day for all of us. I have once again been eliminated from my own gambling endeavor. But at least all of you who have entered, now know that it isn't fixed. However now that I am out and I can not make any more picks. I will continue to make picks for the future Mrs. Rickie Davies from the team that I think will win. I don't know what the spread is in the Tampa Bay game, that is the team I am going with this week. I saw some real talent on the sidelines for this team. As usual here are the SPREADS. This is who is left and their used up teams. And I am guessing you have already taken notice of Barbara.

Tree: Atlanta, Carolina, Chicago, Cincinnati, Dallas, New England and Seattle.

Quick on the draw Joe: Atlanta, Chicago, Cincinnati, Jacksonville, Denver, Seattle and Tennessee.

Sherman: Chicago, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, New England, New York Giants, Denver and Seattle.

Todd: Chicago, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Pittsburgh, New England and Washington.

Another one from the Archives: How Not to Talk to the Ladies

I am guessing this was the summer of 1994 or 1995.

This story was a request from my sister in law, Julie. And it also goes out to Mrs. Debbie Nevermann who mentions this story to me everytime I see her. Now the details of this story are a bit sketchy, but I will try to replay things as best as I can, and if any one remembers better than I, please make your comments known. We had a group of guys, the only ones that I recall for sure that were there, were Nate and Krum. We had been out, I am not sure if this was a Summerfest night or not, regardless we ended up back at Judges on North Avenue. And I am sure that we had all been drinking quite a bit, this being the common theme with almost all of my college stories. As we were mingling around the bar we came across a group of girls. I don’t recall how many there were, or how good looking all of them were, but I know that there was one girl who was an absolute knockout. I know that Krum had taken a pretty big swing at the title with this girl and got nowhere. And a couple other guys from our group also tried to spark up a little conversation with this young vixen. But as each guy stepped up to the plate, this girl quickly shut down each one, and with authority might I add. Being the intellectual that I am, I realize that I have no shot at all, but I am not going to let this young starlet make us look like a bunch of chumps, even though that is what we were. Allow me to set the scene, we are in a semi crowded bar, the music is playing over the sound system yet not too loud, and no one is dancing. My group of guys is easy within earshot of the girl we all wish to make our own, at least for one evening. So I stroll up to her and I say, “Do you want to dance?” She looked me up and down, and with a look of disgust on her face, like she had just been sucking on a lemon for a half an hour she says with her stuck up attitude, “No!” Almost praying for that response, I retort loudly with, “No, you didn’t hear me. I said you look fat in those pants.” And with that I turned and walked back to my friends. I remember Krum saying to me, “Dude, what are you doing?” To which I replied to my good friend, “Krum we had no shot.”

SURVIVOR LEAGUE WEEK 12

Joe, I hope I got this up fast enough this week. Well we lost one more. And we got one more off of the dead beat list. The Dogger went down and Sherman paid up. The remaining dead beats are Dan, Jodi, Ray and Fish. We are down to 6. In case you were wondering, if their is a tie at the end of the regular season it starts over with the playoffs with the remaining contestants. But I am pretty sure I will finish off you losers well before then. Before I get to the next future Mrs. Davies. Here are the SPREADS.

Teams that are used up:

Rickie: Atlanta, Carolina, Cincinnati, Kansas City, San Diego and New York Giants.

Tree: Atlanta, Carolina, Chicago, Dallas, New England and Seattle.

Quick on the draw Joe: Atlanta, Chicago, Cincinnati, Jacksonville, Denver and Seattle.

Sherman: Chicago, Indianapolis, New England, New York Giants, Denver and Seattle.

They call him Coonen: Baltimore, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Pittsburgh, Denver and Washington.

Todd: Chicago, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Pittsburgh, New England and Washington.

Stegall you are still out of it.

I am going with the Raiders this week. And lets take a look at their Cheerleaders shall we. For those of you who don't know, Tiffany, a.k.a T.Q. (Pictured above) and I have been dating for quite some time now. If all goes well I will be taking my $90 in winnings from this league and buying some plane tickets to Vegas.

Andy's Parent's 40th Anniversary

Andy Stretching before losing his ass at the Casino.

Putt has arrived, let the gambling begin.

Andy in Jag 2 on his way to the yatch club.

Nate, Kelly, Smully and Putt.

Mr. and Mrs. Josephs.

Greg and his pitcher, after he called the Badger's loss agaisnt Iowa.

Mr. and Mrs. Josephs

Julie and Michel, and I have no idea what they are doing.

Nate flexing and me sending out the vibe.

Mr. and Mrs. Hardwick

Andy on the dance floor.

Michel teaching the kids gang signs. Or is that the shocker?

Andy and his Dad

Nate Eric and myself teaching Casey how to buy drinks for the ladies

Eric, Nate, Andy, Andy's $135 tie, Uncle Pat and myself.

Jag 2 with Julie's dinner on the side of it.