Andy's Parent's 40th Anniversary

Andy Stretching before losing his ass at the Casino.

Putt has arrived, let the gambling begin.

Andy in Jag 2 on his way to the yatch club.

Nate, Kelly, Smully and Putt.

Mr. and Mrs. Josephs.

Greg and his pitcher, after he called the Badger's loss agaisnt Iowa.

Mr. and Mrs. Josephs

Julie and Michel, and I have no idea what they are doing.

Nate flexing and me sending out the vibe.

Mr. and Mrs. Hardwick

Andy on the dance floor.

Michel teaching the kids gang signs. Or is that the shocker?

Andy and his Dad

Nate Eric and myself teaching Casey how to buy drinks for the ladies

Eric, Nate, Andy, Andy's $135 tie, Uncle Pat and myself.

Jag 2 with Julie's dinner on the side of it.

Nose Pick on Jumbotron

My college roommate who died, Tom, the winter before he accidentally killed himself, gave me two tickets to the Marquette Eagles basketball game at the Bradley Center. Tom’s dad was an alumni of Marquette University and had season tickets. Tom would have rather got drunk in his room by himself than go to the game so he offered the tickets to me. Normally I would have turned the tickets down because I am not a Marquette fan, in fact I strongly dislike them. But these seats were in the 3rd row right behind the visitors bench. Tickets this good I could not pass on. My friend, Bob, went to the game with me. This was one of the worst basketball games I had seen in a while, the half time score was something like 23-18. It was a horrible game to watch, a foul every 30 seconds and a lot of missed shots, just the caliber of game that I expected to see out of Marquette. During half time as the teams were warming up for the second half they were showing people in the crowd up on the Jumbotron as they normally do at games. I leaned over to Bob and said that if they show us on the Jumbotron let’s pick our noses. Less than a minute later, the old guy sitting on the other side of me, nudged me and said “Hey you are up on the Jumbotron.” Now at this time, I need to inform you that there are certain rules that go along with being on the Jumbotron. Rule Number 1: If you look at the screen and acknowledge that you are on the screen they will quickly go to someone else. Knowing this, I turned to Bob and said, “Are we really up there?” Bob was laughing and said, “Yes.” I said, “Watch this.” I could see out of the corner of my eye that we were on the screen and I could tell that the camera was in front of me and across the court from me. I looked right, looked left and then stuck my finger up my nose. I am sure you have all experienced at a sporting event, that there is normally a hubbub of noise when there is a lull in the action and there was this lull at this moment. As I picked my nose, the place mildly erupted into a collective laughter. At this point I knew that I had the arena in the palm of my hand, and I also knew that the camera man wasn’t going to take the camera off of me until I did something else. So I did, I stuck my finger in my mouth. This resulted in the crowd expressing their disgust with collective “Eeeewwwwuuuu.” I looked up a noticed that the camera man had quickly panned down to the people in front of me. Bob was in a fit of uncontrollable laughter and the old guy next to me swore that I was drunk. The rest of the game was highly anticlimactic, but Bob and I laughed through the remainder of the game. That was at the start of my 15 minutes of fame.

SURVIVOR LEAGUE WEEK 11

Hello kids, I hope everyone is doing well. Quick Draw Joe is back at it, with his pick in already and I am happy to announce, as well as he is happy to hear, that he is off of the dead beat list. I do have some dead beats still out there: Sherman, Jodi, Dan, Ray and Fish. We lost a couple more people this week. The unoffical and offical counts are 7 participants that remain, out of 18 that started the second round. Before I get to who is left, let me get you the SPREADS for this weeks action.

Teams that are used up:
Rickie: Atlanta, Carolina, Cincinnati, Kansas City and New York Giants.

Tree: Atlanta, Carolina, Chicago, Dallas, and Seattle.

Quick on the draw Joe: Atlanta, Chicago, Cincinnati, Jacksonville and Seattle.

The Dogger: Atlanta, Carolina, Pittsburgh, San Diego and Washington.

Sherman:Chicago, Indianapolis, New England, New York Giants and Seattle.

They call him Coonen: Baltimore, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Pittsburgh and Washington.

Todd: Chicago, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Pittsburgh and Washington.

I have been checking the news wires and I haven't found any good dirt on the San Diego Cheerleaders, but I have found some pictures of them. With pictures like these, how can I pick against them. San Diego is my lock for the week.

Since this is my blog and I can pretty much do whatever I want on it, I am going to start a new segment. And that segment would be to post a picture of my favorite cheerleader from the team that I pick. I doubt I will hear any objections. Alright maybe a few, but those are only from my female readers, and those objections will in all likelihood be made out of jealousy. I would like to introduce you to the future Mrs. Rickie Davies pictured above.

SURVIVOR LEAGUE WEEK 10

Everyone survived last week. Joe, you are pretty quick on the trigger. Your picks are in before I can even post the results from this past week. Slow down and enjoy life my friend. Alright here are the SPREADS. Same as last week, Stegall and Dan are still out of it, and that is a shame. Here are your individual situations:

Rickie: Atlanta, Cincinnati, Kansas City and New York Giants.
Tree: Atlanta, Chicago, Dallas, and Seattle.
Quick on the draw Joe: Atlanta, Cincinnati, Jacksonville and Seattle.
The Dogger: Atlanta, Pittsburgh, San Diego and Washington.
Bubs: Cincinnati, Kansas City, Seattle and Washington.
Mr. Number One Paul McCartney Fan: Cincinnati, Jacksonville, Seattle and Washington.
Jodi: Cincinnati, Jacksonville, Kansas City and Washington.
Sherman (Head of the T.O. Fan Club): Indianapolis, New England, New York Giants and Seattle.
They call him Coonen: Baltimore, Jacksonville, Pittsburgh and Washington.
Todd: Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Pittsburgh and Washington.
Deb: Jacksonville, Pittsburgh, Seattle and Washington.


And this week I will be taking the Carolina Panthers, not because I like their football team, but because I like their cheerleaders.

One from the Archives: How Not to Talk to the Ladies

December 1995.

After class my roommate, Kevin and I went to this graduation party at Scottie's Pub. I barely knew the guy that was graduating but there was free beer and free subs. So that means there was free beer, free subs and me. Kevin was giving me grief and calling me a chick magnet, but we all know this not to be true. Anyhow one thing led to another and I spotted these two girls who were not associated with our party. I made my way over to them and start talking to them. The table we were sitting at was right next to this table with all of these trophies on it. Our conversation quickly got to an uncomfortable pause, at which time I turned looked at the trophies and then back at the girls and in a discussed manor said “I told these guys to bring my trophies back to my place, I said I would only loan them out for a month.” Then I pick one of the trophies up and it was for second place and I say “Second place??? Oh that is right, I remember now. I had a pulled groin that game.” One girl thought it was funny the other would have been more amused with a heart attack. I continued to talk to these girls for another ten minutes or so, and every time that there was a long pause I would say “Did I show you my trophies?” After five times it wasn’t so funny. But you know me I stayed with it and by the tenth time it was funny again. Those girls quickly dismissed me and left the bar. I don't know what the moral of the story is, and maybe you had to be there, but it was amusing.

Pulp Soccer

My indoor soccer season has started up and is in full swing. I am playing both Monday and Wednesday nights. My Wednesday night team, The Amigos, is by far the best team I have ever played on. Not only is everyone on the team highly skilled in the game of soccer, but it is a good group of guys, and we play a style of soccer that is a lot of fun to play and watch. Plus in the last five sessions that I have played with these guys, I think we have only 2 loses, 1 tie, and we have won the session every time. My friend, Dave “The General” Stegall is also on the team. The kind words I stated about the team actually do not apply to him. At the beginning of every session, The General and I put together a little wager to see who can score the most points. We award 2 points for a goal and 1 point for an assist. After the first week, The General got out to a 5-1 lead. But in week two I rebounded and with 7 points including an admittedly lucky bicycle kick goal at the buzzer, and over took the point lead at 8-7. Going into week 3, The General and I had some back and forth banter over email as we normally do before our games. I would like to invite you in to follow our correspondence.

Rickie writes:

“Hey Dave, How are things going today? I hope that you are well. Are you up for the game tonight? It should be a spirited affair. I know that you told me after last week’s game that you believe that you were no good as a soccer player and for that matter a person. But keep your chin up. We can’t all do bicycle kicks for goals.”


The General writes:

“Um, Mr. Davies, three quick points.

1. I fully expect a hat trick tonight (from me). Don't look for any more charity from me in terms of giving the ball up in the offensive 1/3. I am way too selfish of a player.

2. Screw you and your bicycle kick; I do those in my sleep.

3. You are going down. I eat shit like you for breakfast.

I hate you.

I should be over around 8-8:30.

I really hate you.”


Rickie writes:

Rickie says, "What is the matter? Oh you were through. Well allow me to retort. What does a hat trick look like?"

Stegall says, "What?"

Rickie says, "What country are you from?"

Stegall says, "What?"

Rickie says, "What ain't no country I ever heard of. Do they speak English in What?"

Stegall says, "What?"

Rickie says, "ENGLISH M'ER F'ER. DO YOU SPEAK IT?"

Stegall says, "Yes"

Rickie says, "Then you understand what I'm saying?"

Stegall says, "Yes."

Rickie says, "What does a hat trick look like?"

Stegall says, "What?"

Rickie points his gun at Stegall

Rickie says, "SAY WHAT AGAIN! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU! SAY WHAT ONE MORE TIME!"

A long pause as Stegall soils himself.

Rickie says, "What does a hat trick look like?"

Stegall says, "It is kicking the ball in the goal."

Rickie says, "Go on."

Stegall says, "You have to do it three times."

Rickie says, "Have you ever got one?"

Stegall says, "What?"

Rickie shoots Stegall.

Rickie says, "HAVE YOU EVER GOT ONE?"

Stegall says, "No."

Rickie says, "Then why are you trying to act like you are going to get one."

Stegall says, "I didn't."

Rickie says, "Yes you did Stegall. Yes you did. Hat tricks are only scored by me. Do you read the newspapers Stegall?"

Stegall says, "Yes."

Rickie says, "Well there is this little passage from an article last week that I have memorized, and it sort of fits the occasion. Journal Sentinel, Sport Section, Page One. The path of the righteous soccer player is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of worse soccer players. Blessed is the player who, in the name of talent and good sportsmanship, kicks the crap out of the weak through the valley of darkness on the pitch, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost players. And I will strike down upon thee with great goals and furious assists those who attempt to poison and destroy my teammates. And you will know that I am the best player on that field when I score on a bicycle kick goal against you."

Halloween Weekend

Well what can I say about my weekend. I think the pictures are going to be worth more than my words. Friday night I went to Lid's annual Halloween party. I think I missed it last year. But I was back on course this year. It was a good time. Although I couldn't get any of my friends to go with me, so I ended up going solo. But as is usually the case with me, when you are dressed up as a big dumb gorilla you make friends fast. Eventually we made it to the bar down the street and started in on the Karyoke. That was fun for the first two minutes until Lid thought it would be a great idea and try and steal everyone's thunder. Everytime someone got up to sing, Lid tried to grab the microphone and either sing with them or sing for them. Fun. Saturday morning, I went and played pick up football at the Wisconsin Lutheran College Field. Which was fun, even though I was sort of feeling the effects of the evening past. Although there was one guy playing in worse shape since he threw up in a garbage can half way through the game. Saturday afternoon I was out at my parent's house cutting deer. Once I finished with that, I headed over by Chris and Rebecca. Rebecca's sister, Vanessa set up a pre party and wow was it nuts. Just kidding, we ended up sitting around brainstorming what everyone could dress up as. Chris didn't know what to go as, but I had two really good ideas for him. Since he had a beard, I thought he should go as the bearded lady. Or else, get a bed sheet and cut a bunch of holes in it and go as Charlie Brown. Neither happened. We eventually went down to the bar that Vanessa and Angela worked at. The rest of the evening was uneventful. It was just too hot, loud and smoky in the bar. These complaints are all signs of getting old. Sunday I went to my nephew, Nick's, soccer game. And afterwards I was back out at my parent's place slaving away over dead deer carcasses. Monday was Halloween. After work I headed over to my sister's place and took her daughter, Lindsey, to Toys'r'us, as you can see I got her a Barbie My Size Castle. Then that evening I went trick or treating with the kids. It was the kids, my brother in law, Tim, my brother, Jon, and myself out trick or treating. And since we took a wagon and a cooler full of beer. It seemed like the adults wanted to stay out trick or treating longer than the kids. From my recollection, I believe I was the only adult that I saw dressed up that night. I am not sure if you can tell from the picture but I am once again sporting my gorilla suit. It got quite the work out. But it isn't quite time to put it away. Ski season is coming up. And I am planning to be skiing the slopes of Colorado the third weekend of December.

SURVIVOR LEAGUE WEEK 9

Well well well, the General and Dano are out. So the two biggest talkers are out. I would like to say that I am surprised, but I am not. The General still doesn't know how an over/under works. Here are the SPREADS. And I will do a quick run down, even though I doubt many of you look at who you have picked in the past.

Rickie: Kansas City, Atlanta, Cincinnati
Tree: Atlanta, Chicago, Dallas
Joe: Seattle, Atlanta, Cincinnati
The Dogger: Atlanta, Washington, Pittsburgh
Bubs: Seattle, Washington, Cincinnati
Kakes: Seattle, Washington, Cincinnati
Jodi: Kansas City, Washington, Cincinnati
Sherman: Seattle, Indianapolis, New England
Coonen: Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh
Todd: Indianapolis, Washington, Pittsburgh
Deb: Seattle, Washington, Pittsburgh
The General: Oh wait I forgot you are out.
Dan: That is right you are out too. Darn it. Darn it. Darn it.

And let me see who my dead beats are. Joe, Dawn, Ray, Fish, Jodi, Dan and Sherman.

My pick this week is going to be Thee New York Football Giants. Take that San Francisco.

SURVIVOR WEEK 8

Well we dropped four (3 by forgetting to put their picks in) and are left with 14. Spreads.

Picks used:
Rickie - Atlanta & Kansas City
Tree - Atlanta & Chicago
The General - Indianapolis & Washington
Joe - Atlanta and Seattle
Roman - Atlanta & Washington
Preston - Seattle & Washington
Kakes - Seattle & Washington
Dan - Atlanta & Seattle
Jodi - Kansas City & Washington
Sherman - Indianapolis & Seattle
Coonen - Baltimore & Washington
Todd - Indianapolis & Washington
Deb - Seattle & Washignton
Kinky - Indianapolis & Philadelphia

The Weekend That Was

I had two of my nephews sleep over at my house this weekend, as I had taken Halloween costume shopping that State Fair Park. I got out the race track and set that up, we watched a movie, played some video games. But the thing that they enjoyed the most was running around in my newly remodeled garage, even though it isn't quite done yet, the kids had a blast since I have black lights and strobe lights set up in there. Saturday afternoon I took Nick and Ethan to their soccer game. Then I sort of helped my brother winterize his pool, when in actuality I just drank beer and make smart ass comments. Saturday night I went to a Breast Cancer Benefit for my friend, Linda. Sunday morning I helped my parents and was over there cutting deer. At least I worked and got paid while I watched the Packers blow it. Sunday night, is where the excitement of the weekend came in. Months ago I purchased Paul McCartney tickets when they went on sale. I had offered one ticket to my friend, Matt Kaker, who lives up in the Twin Cities. I told Matt the ticket was his, and he didn't even have to pay me for it. He just need to come down and show up for the concert. I know Matt is a huge Beatles / McCartney fan. However I was deeply disappointed when he told me he couldn't go. I am assuming that he either is no longer a Beatles / McCartney fan, or due to marital issues he was not allowed to go, which I think is a load of crap. A similar incident happened to my brother when Springsteen came to Miller Park. I would have gotten divorce over that concert. But I will end my guilt trip here, by saying I think that sucks. I gave my extra ticket to Preston Klink. Sort of pay back for this summer when he set me up with 3 row seats for Dave Matthews. Again, thank you Preston. Sir Paul McCartney was great. A huge set list. Then again not too many of his songs go over 3 minutes. It was a great show. I had checked out the set list on the internet before the concert, so before Paul would play a song, Preston and I would yell out "Play Band on the Run!!" or whatever the next song was according to the list I had. Finally the lady in front of me turned around and asked me, how do you know what he is playing next, are you pyschic? Our seats were decent, on the side even with the front of the stage. I was a little worried when I first walked into the Bradley Center and security made me open up my jacket, since I had both my camera and a flask in it, but they obviously weren't checking too closely as the cap from my flask was easily visible. And I got both items in. Thank you lazy security guards. After the show we had a drink at Buck Bradley's. Then we both had a craving for Oakland Gyros. We stopped into Axel's for a beer first. We cabbed it back home and I think I called it a night around 1 in the morning. Just another weekend I guess. However, Bob Weir and Ratdog are coming the Rave on Tuesday night. I have free vouchers to get in, anyone interested let me know. I checked out the set list from the last show, as follows:
Here Comes Sunshine
Shakedown Street
Queen Jane Approximately
Playin in the Band
Big Boss Man
Tomorrow Never Knows
Uncle John's Band
A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall
Lady with a Fan
Terrapin
Knockin on Heaven's Door
I am looking to go and don't have anyone to go with yet. Let me know

Minnesconsin

February 1992, MLK Weekend.

This story goes back a ways, but it was something I was thinking about as I was driving home the other day. I don’t know what brought it up, but as I was thinking about this story, I was laughing out loud to myself. I hope you find it at least half that funny. This story is just another window into my life and the friends that I have. It was MLK weekend and I was heading up to Minnesota to visit my good friend, Krum, who at the time was attending the University of Minnesota and living in the dorms. I was riding up to Minnesota with Justus Klink and Matt Kaker. Up until the time of this trip we were merely acquaintances that knew of each other through Krum, but in retrospect this trip is what started us on being such close friends. We are in the car and on our way to Minnesota, in later years this trip came to be known as the trip to Minnesconsin. We are well into our trip and I would say that we were around Eau Claire when out of no where Matt exclaims “Shit!!! I forgot my toothbrush.” Then after a pause he sympathizes with himself and says “Oh well, at least I didn’t forget my underwear.” No sooner does Matt finish his sentence and Justus lets out are resounding “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Matt says “You didn’t.” Justus replies “Yeah, I did.” We all have a good laugh over Justus’ lack of planning. For those of you who know Justus, this is not a surprise. We finally get up to Minnesota and we have a simply wonderful and unforgettable weekend. I am not going to kid you, there was a lot, and I mean a lot of drinking, along with us all running around and being total idiots the entire weekend. The morning that we were leaving I remembered that Krum’s parents had given me a care package to give to Krum, and the whole weekend it had been sitting in the back of Justus’ car. I ran down and grabbed it for Krum. Krum starts opening the box and going through everything. He comes across a package of underwear in the box. Krum says “Hey, new underwear, alright. Wait a minute these are opened already.” Krum continues to inspect the underwear package and its contents, “These feel kind of funky.” As Krum makes this comment about the fabric that his new underwear is made out of, Justus comes walking back into the dorm room from the showers with just the underwear on and says “Yeah, they are a little funky but they are still pretty cool. A little tight though.” Krum yells at Justus, “You are wearing my underwear?” Justus replies matter of factly, “Yeah, I forgot mine so I have been wearing yours. I had to wear them inside out a couple days. Why? Do you want them back?” These are my friends.

SURVIVOR LEAGUE WEEK 7

Sorry I have been slacking a little bit in getting the things ready for this week. But I am a slacker so what do you expect? Here are the spreads. Here is a run down of everyone that is still in it, and who they picked last week. By the way everyone advanced in week 6.
Rickie - Kansas City - Paid
Tree - Atlanta - Paid
The General - Indianapolis - Paid
Joe - Seattle - Yet to Pay
Dawn - Seattle - Yet to Pay
Ray - Atlanta - Yet to Pay
Fish - Atlanta - Yet to Pay
The Dogger - Atlanta - Paid
Bubs - Seattle - Yet to Pay
Kakes - Seattle - Paid (By the way what time are you getting down here for McCartney on Sunday)
Dan - Seattle - Yet to Pay
Jodi - Kansas City - Yet to Pay
Sherman - Seattle - Yet to Pay
Coonen - Baltimore - Yet to Pay
Todd - Indianapolis - Yet to pay for this or last league
Deb - Seattle - Yet to Pay
Pam - Indianapolis - Paid
Kinky - Indianaplis - Paid.

Let me know if I made any errors. Thanks.

What a Life

Since this blog is all about my life, I.E. the title, I thought I would give you an insight into my life. Now many of you may think that I lead such a glamorous life. But I will be honest, it isn't all ice cream sandwiches, church picnics and scalping floor seats for U2 concerts. Let me go into the this past weekend's events. I have my indoor soccer league starting up this coming Wednesday, and I don't want to let the team down. Plus a couple of us on the team have side bets on who will score the most goals and have the most assists. Since I want to bring home the money, I have been trying to get myself in a little bit better shape. So I started running last week. Well as of Tuesday morning, my lower back has tighted up and is constantly sore. So I have that problem. And due to the sore back, Friday night I went to bed at 8:30 at night. I know I can really party on the weekends. Saturday morning, I had committed myself into playing in a pick up football game. But first I was going to tear apart the old workbench in my garage. As you will see in the pictures I plan on posting in a couple of days, I have been redoing my garage. And it is getting out of control the stupid things I am doing in it. To give you a little hint, I got the black lights on Tuesday and the strobe lights come in on Monday. Anyhow I ripped apart the work bench and loaded it up in the back of my truck. Then I was off to football. I had played with these guys two years ago, but I told them last year that I wouldn't play due to my shoulder problems. But I figured I have been feeling pretty good and my shoulders haven't popped out since the first 30 seconds of the Stu on Stu basketball tournament in June. I should be fine. Well on the very first drive, I made a defensive play on pass and managed to popped my left arm out of socket. Fortunately I popped it back in after about 30 seconds, unfortunately it really hurts. But being the gamer that I am, I finished the game. Now realize that I am not looking for sympathy here. I know that I am an idiot. I know that I shouldn't be playing football. I know that I need to have surgery actually on both shoulders. My problem is that I don't really have time in my schedule to take care of that right now. Not that most people have time in their schedules, I need to just do it and get it over with. After playing football, I went over to Nate's for some chili and to watch the Badger game. From my view point, the Badger game sucked. They were trailing the entire game, and it really wasn't a fun game to watch, until good ole Goldy "F'"ed things up with 30 seconds to go. Nate and I were both extremely sore from football, and while most of the game it took either of us at least 4 or 5 seconds to get out of a chair, we both jumped up when that punt got blocked. Sorry to any of the Minnesotans that my read my blog, but you guys always seem to find a way to lose that game. Nice work. After watching Bucky, I went home and planted myself on the couch for the rest of the day and just watched football. Eventually I ended up going to bed at 9:30. Another late night for me. But I wouldn't be asleep long. Since I had already loaded up my truck with the work bench from my garage, I had to get rid of it. And what better place to get rid of my old workbench than in the Pius High School dumpster. Illegal dumping is one of my favorite activities. And since they put that loud air conditioning unit across the street from my house, I have no problems doing this. However the problem comes in, where I attempt to throw a workbench comprised of two old lower kitchen cabinets into an 8 foot tall dumpster by myself at 3:00 on a Sunday morning with a recently dislocated shoulder. I will be honest, it was something to see. So this is the life that I lead.

Preston's Pants Or Lack There Of

Summer of 2000

Last night was looking to be another loser sitting at home and just watching TV. My old roommate, Justus, had just driven all the way from Whitewater to Milwaukee just to use my washer and dryer. And my roommates Ed and Preston were in Hartland playing basketball and cribbage at a bar respectively. Preston came home in a bit of an intoxicated state, but nothing all that out of hand. Justus in the mean time had invited his girlfriend, Carrie, out to my house so that they could spend some time together. This is kind of funny because Justus doesn’t live here any more. Preston had talked to Carrie and wanted to go out to the bars. So when everyone was assembled Preston and Carrie were ready to go to the bars. They asked me to go, I said sure. Justus didn't want to go. Carrie called her friend Amy to meet us there. Oh and Ed went to bed. So it was just Carrie, Amy, Preston and I down at Leff's Lucky Town. I should mention at this time, that Preston didn't get all too dressed up to attend the bar, nor does he need to, but his attire is important for the sake of the story. Preston was sporting a wife beater white T-shirt, and dress shirt over the top, and a pair of shorts with no undergarment underneath mind you. As the night wears on we played some darts and shoot some pool and have a couple of drinks. As closing time approaches, Carrie, Amy and I are talking at one end of the bar, the bartender approaches and says "That guy at the end of the bar said you guys would buy him a shot." Of course there was Preston with a big grin on his face. So we took the money out of his wallet that he left on the bar over by us and paid. And this point being the good friend that I am I took his wallet so he wouldn't leave it behind at the bar. Then I figured since he wanted to drink shots I would get him one he wouldn't soon for get. So I asked the bartender if she knew how to make a Buffalo Tongue. She didn't so I explained the contents. Simply pour the entire spill over on the brown rubber thing they pour drinks on it poured into a shot glass. Of course knowing that Preston is drunk and just wants more alcohol I watch him smell it. Grab someone else's beer to chase it and of course do it. Now yes this is funny, but this is not the end of the story. Carrie Amy and I are ready to leave and actually the bouncers would like to see us leave too. Preston is now asking other people if he can finish their beers. And we are almost to the door. There are maybe 20 to 30 people still inside and 10 or so standing just outside of the door and Preston is just inside the door talking to this girl. She doesn't seem too thrilled to be talking to him at this point so I try physically pulling him out of the bar, that did not work. So I come up from behind him, grab the bottom of his shorts and drop them to the ankles. And if you remember Preston started this evening at the bar going commando. So he is standing there in a drunk state for a good 5 or 6 seconds with his dork out in the wind for all to see. The girl is gone at this point laughing with the people outside of the bar at the full moon that wasn't suppose to present itself last night, and the people inside of the bar are all now blind. He finally got himself together and again clothed and made his way to the car and we were able to leave.

SURVIVOR LEAGUE PHASE 2

And so it begins again. Congratulations to Tree on a victory in week 5. Here at the spreads for Week 6. Same rules as the last time. Post a comment with your name and the team that you are picking to get in. I will make sure I get the money from you somehow. I have four outstanding dead beats from the last league. That would be Mr. and Mrs. Andy Josephs, Spider, and Justus Klink. I can see it from Andy, Justus and Spider, but Julie I had much higher hopes for you. A major disappointment. I will get it out of each of you somehow. So as this next round begins, good luck to everyone and if Tree wins it again, the prize will go to the second place finisher. I will let everyone know how many people are in the second league when I post the spreads for next week.

The Night I Killed Liz

Friday October 13th 2000

Friday night right after work I headed home and joined my two roommates, Andy and Nate, along with our friend Phil for a couple beers, then we headed down to the Bradley Center for the Admirals game. I left the three of them with about 10 minutes left in the third period to go and kill my friend, Liz. Liz and her friends were having a little get together at her friend Stacey's house. LID had asked me prior to this evening to come over and scare them since it was indeed Friday the 13th. How could I pass up such an offer. Earlier I had bought a Scream mask, a black robe/cape thing, a rubber knife, and some fake blood. I drove over to Stacey's and took a peak in the front window to find 7 girls inside. I made my way to the side door, opened it then slammed it shut. I heard all of the girls scream as the windows were open on such a nice warm evening. Stacey's place had an over hang by the sidewalk so I hid under there in the event that any of the girls came outside to investigate the noise. I waited about 15 minutes in my hiding spot, then emerged once again. I went around to the front, mind you at this point I had yet to put on the costume, and I am in jeans and a T-shirt. I go to the front window to check things out, and as I do one of the girls happens to see me. She points and screams and I run back to my hiding spot. I wait another 15 minutes and go back to the side door. I slam it a number of times and then run through the back alley. I decided to let things cool down and give the girls a false sense of security. I walk through the subdivision behind Stacey's place. Again I am carrying the costume but not wearing it. As I am walking along the street I see two high schoolers talking next to a car in a drive way. I decide that this will be kind of funny. I pull out the rubber knife and start walking towards them. They both froze. They had no idea what to do. I got about five feet from them, then I told them that I was just kidding and that it was a rubber knife. They still didn't know what to think of me. So I decided that I had worn out my welcome with them before I even said anything and decided to move on my way. I walked to my truck and sat in there for about 20 minutes. I watched two of the girls that were at the party leave. So their were only 5 girls left, Stacey and Liz, who were both in on the joke, and Lisa, Shauntelle, and Jessica. Stacey lives in a 4 family apartment. So I walked in the front door and got dressed in the hallway. I made sure to put enough fake blood in my hand and then went up to Stacey's door. I pushed the door open a crack and the girls all screamed. I waited about a minute, then burst into the room. Everyone screamed. I grabbed Liz, and her at I had planned ahead of time that she would be the closest to the door. I put both my hands in front of her neck. One hand was full of fake blood the other the rubber knife. As I pulled my hands away, it looked like I cut her neck wide open. I dropped Liz to the floor and started walking towards the other girls who started to run. They all went for cover in teh bedroom and bathroom. I turned back towards Liz and dragged her out in to the hallway and poured more blood on her. I told her to stagger back into the apartment screaming and fall down on the floor a pretend that she was dead. She did and as she did the girls who had run for cover, came out of the bedroom and bathrooms for a second to check on Liz. Just as they started to make their way to Liz, I again came back into the apartment from the hallway. The remaining 4 girls screamed once again and headed back to the bedroom and the bathroom. I first went to the bedroom. I tapped on the door with the back of the knife. All I heard were screams. I tried to open the door but Stacey the only one in the bedroom, had the door locked. I went to the bathroom door and again started to slowly knock on the door with the back of my knife. Inside Lisa, Shauntelle and Jessica were screaming and pushing with all their might to keep the door shut. I couldn't get the door open. So I went to plan "B". I told Liz to go up to the bathroom door and beg them to let her in. Liz goes up to the door bangs on the door and screams "YOU GUYS LET ME IN PLEASE!!!! HERE HE COMES AGAIN!!! HE IS GOING TO KILL ME!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME IN!!!" I give Liz a lot of credit because she was very believable. But her "friends" inside the bathroom replied "FUCK NO!!!! WE AREN'T LETTING YOU IN!!!!" And of course I was standing right next to Liz just waiting for them to open the door. I am thinking nice friends, you are out here dying and they won't let you in. I tell Liz to move aside and again I start rapping on the door with the back of the knife really slow. I grabbed the door knob and twisted it rather easily. Then I pushed my way into the room. Jessica was standing in the bath tub screaming into the phone as she was on the phone with 911. I have never seen anyone as scared as she was. I looked behind the door to see Lisa and Shauntelle curled up in little balls one on top of the other just shaking and screaming. As funny as I thought it was, and I did think it was very funny, I couldn't continue because those girls were that scared. So I just pulled off the mask and as relieved as they were to know that it was just me, it still took them about 20 minutes to calm down. I spoke to Shauntelle a couple days later and she told me that their wasn't a doubt in her mind that she thought that she was going to die that night.

Wallace and Gromit Movie

For no real reason other than I am looking to retain my title as World's Greatest Uncle, I decided to take my nieces and nephews to a movie this weekend. All of them, or at least all of them that are able to sit through an entire movie. So that was me and 7 kids. Nick, Zack, Lindsey, Ethan, Jared, Abbigail and Sara. Not a problem.
A stop at the Gas Station to give the kids a quick lesson on beating the movie carry in policy. I gave them 30 seconds to pick out any one item from the candy isle. I took them to see Wallace and Gromit the Curse of the Were Rabitt. Once at the theater I got two large sodas, and a big tub of popcorn. I haven't quite yet taught them the art of pulling used soda and popcorn containers out of the trash, but that lesson will come in a couple more years.

After the movie they wanted to go to the park. So I said sure, I really didn't have much else going on for the evening. But I thought some of you might enjoy these pictures, for those of you in the family don't worry, I will burn a CD for you at Christmas time. That is if you are good this year. So watch yourselves.

The phone in my Living Room. 

Rollerblading Accident

I have been going through a bunch of my old stories and I figured why not throw them on my blog. So I plan on getting more and more of them out there on my blog. Hopefully you haven't heard all of these before. Some are old and some are new. Here goes.

7-3-05

Monday was the Lake Front Fireworks. Tree, Preston, and Matt came down to Milwaukee for the Fireworks. We prepartied at my place on the Eastside which included just a lot of drinking with a couple of beer bongs mixed in. I had the great idea to drive everyone as close as I could to the lake front, the I was going to drive back towards my place and rollerblade back to meet up with them. I drove them down close to the lake, on the top of the hill by the tennis courts by McKinley Marina and left them with a case a beer and told them to find a good spot to check out the fireworks. Then I turned around and drove my car back to the nearest parking spot which was about two blocks from my house. I strapped on my rollerblades and double timed it back to where I dropped them off. As I got to the top of the hill, I saw all of the people, and I thought to myself "I am never going to find those guys." Fortunately for me my friends are lazy and they were actually right where I dropped them off. We watched the fireworks, and once they were over, somehow I got my hands on some fireworks. I thought it would be a good idea to light them off in the middle of the street. As I was doing so, there was a cop who started yelling at me and walking towards me. Well I figured that was a good time to get out of Dodge so I took off knowing that that cop would never catch me on rollerblades. I got a couple blocks away, and I realized how great it was, because the streets were packed but on rollerblades I was whipping in and out of traffic. I know real safe. I stopped at this one apartment building that seemed like it have a party going on in every apartment. I stayed there for about a half an hour. Then I decided that I should head back for home thinking that Tree, Preston or Matt may have called but they didn't. This was my line of thinking, they probably be at the closest bar, so I rollerbladed down to North Ave. I went into one bar had a drink and I was known as the Rollerblade guy. But I soon left because I wanted to find those guys. I decided to head back for home. At this time, alcohol was starting to effect my rollerbladinabilityty as well as the fact that the streets were becoming uncongested. It wadetermineded in my mind that I should probably get out of the middle of the road and stick to the sidewalks. As I was going down the sidewalk I hit a lip in the concrete where the sidewalk met a bridge. I landed with the full force of my body and my momentum square on my chin. As I got up, I thought to myself, "Wow that really hurt." I was also a bit perplexed how I got these pebbles in my mouth. I got up and went another half a block and I couldn't understand how I was sweating so much. So I wiped under my chin with my forearm......all blood. Not good. I get another half a block and wipe my chin with my other forearm.....again all blood. Really not good. I finally get back before I loose all of my blood. I walk through the door and my roommate, Mark, asks me what happened to me. I still didn't think it was too bad of a cut until I looked in the mirror. I looked like I had two mouths. The gash was about an inch wide. Anyhow there was a message that they are all down at Axel's. I took off my rollerblades, and safely walked to the bar they were at. The first thing Matt said to me was that they had a great story to tell me, but he had a feeling that mine was a bit better. Drank a couple of beers with them and played some fussball but then my chin started to really hurt. So I went back home and I called my parents and told them that I was coming home and had to go to the hospital. I drove home home and the longer I drove the sharper the pain got, and that helped to sober me up quite a bit. By the time I got home home it was around 1 in the morning. I woke my dad up and he must have been in some deep sleep because he was out of it. He had no idea who I was or what I was doing there. I explained to him that I was his son and that I needed to go to the hospital. He still wasn't getting it. I was standing in front of him as he sat on the steps pointing at my chin saying "Look see this blood, I need to go to the hospital." I drove us to the hospital and by the time we got there he finally snapped out of his sleep coma. While they were preparing me for my 12 stitches, the nurse asked me when this happened. I told her 11 o'clock. She said well it is 2 o'clock now. I told her that I had to go to another bar. She was far from impressed and didn't have much sympathy for me. However, the worse part was the next morning, which was the Fourth of July. I woke up and my jaw was incredibly sore, but when I took my first breath of fresh air I realized that what I thought were pebbles in my mouth were actually chips of my teeth, including one tooth that was chipped so bad that the root was exposed. Good thing it was the Fourth of July because all dentists have hours on a holiday. My only course of action was to get drunk again.

SURVIVOR LEAGUE WEEK 5

Well kids, we are still sitting at three remaining gamblers. Here are the spreads for next weeks games.

Team on a bye: Kansas City, Minnesota, N.Y. Giants and Oakland

Teams you are already used:

Tree: Pittsburgh, Washington, Indianapolis and Tampa Bay

The General: Cincinnati, Philadelphia, Indianapolis and Baltimore

Sue: Indianapolis, N.Y. Giants, Philadelphia and Baltimore

Hurry up and someone win already.

The General doubled over. This is just moments after the General puked. And he plans on being a lawyer some day or a latex salesman.

Hey who is that girl? Or a better question who is that dreamy guy? 

SURVIVOR LEAGUE

I apologize for not getting this up to date sooner. I have been a bit busy this week preparing Wisconsin's newest highway for the general public and kicking home runs in Wisconsin's largest kickball league. However, I did send out emails on Thursday to the three remaining participants, so I am not a total slacker. We enter Week 4 and this is the situation, the following teams have byes:Chicago, Cleveland, Miami, Pittsburgh.

And here are the teams that you are not allowed to pick:
Tree: Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Washington
Stegall: Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Philadelphia
Sue: Indianapolis, New York Giants, Philadelphia

Vegas Odds.

Good Luck and hopefully someone wins it all this week.