New Years Resolutions?

It really isn’t that time of year yet, but I thought I would get a head start. Every year I post my New Year’s Resolution, and with that I once again reinforce my past years’ resolutions. But since some of my past resolutions have been food and alcohol related, I thought I would start a month early. This will keep me from eating poorly and drinking too much the entire month of December. So starting December 1st, I am starting my New Year’s Resolutions. But let’s review what resolutions I have had in the past and what I will be missing out on:
No Buffalo Wings (They make me sweat anyhow.)
No Fast Food (It has been years since I ate at McDonalds.)
No Candy (But I really love eating runts while at the movies.)
No Chips (Even Sun Chips? Yes, even Sun Chips.)
No Soda (So the large rootbeer at Oakland Gyros is out, but they still have milk shakes.)
No Cheese (That means no pizza, one of the main staples in my diet. How insane is this?)
No French Fries (What about American Fries?)
No Alcohol (I am going to try and make it until the end of March. So I guess I will be boring until mid spring.)
No Swearing (Damn it. Alright starting now.)
No Eating after 7:00 p.m. (But when can I start eating?)
Juggle 10 minute a day. (Even if it hurts my shoulder? Especially if it hurts.)
And my new addition to my list of better living, this year’s resolution: I will no longer drive while talking on the phone. If it is a call that might be “important” I will just pull over to answer the call. Published studies show that motorists who talk on handheld or hands-free cellular phones are as impaired as drunken drivers. I have nothing to say anyway. I have had my current phone for a couple years and my plan only gives me 450 minutes a month. I have yet to go over 450 minutes. That means I spent less than 15 minutes a day on the phone.