Vanessa

I have fielded quite a few phone calls and emails referring to Vanessa. I thought I would address the “Vanessa” issue here. Plus it is a juicy topic and will attract readers. No, Vanessa is not my girlfriend. She is actually currently dating someone else. Would I date her if the opportunity arose? Most likely, I am pretty superficial and Vanessa is very good looking. But I doubt that that opportunity will ever arise. You see there are things called “signs” or “signals” that go on between members of the opposite sexes. I am far from a master when it comes to understanding these “signs”, but from what I have gathered in my years is that there are four types of “signs”.
The first is the “obvious good”. Examples of this would be a girl coming up and kissing you, or just saying to you “Hey, I like you, lets go out for dinner this weekend.” For me these “signs” are few and far between, but they have happened before and I was able to pick up on them right away.
The second is the “subtle good”. I don’t have much of an idea what these are. I am guessing these are a look of some sort, or a gentle touch. I am horrible at understanding if a girl is giving me one of these signs. In the past girls have told me that they have liked me for a while and I never picked up on any of the signs. That is because I am an idiot.
The third is the “obvious bad”. If a girl slaps you, or says “Would you please stop talking to me?”, that is an “obvious bad” sign. While I have never been slapped, I have been told to stop talking to a girl before.
And lastly is the “subtle bad” sign. This one I know pretty well. It sounds something like “Let’s just be friends.” Or the one that I really hate and have been told a number of times, including by Vanessa in Mexico. “You would really like my boyfriend. He is just like you. You two would have so much in common.” This statement loosely translated means, “I would date you but there is something about you that I don’t like.” For instance you are old, fat and/or ugly.” Future reference to all girls out there, I know you think that this is a complement but in fact it is a major put down. So while Vanessa and I may look good together in pictures and we are a pretty good dance team, I don’t think you will see us together as a couple.