A FEW GOOD STEGALLS

CUT TO: EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD - DAY
DAVE "Alright, let's get tough out there!"
DIANE walks up from behind the backstop.
DIANE "Excuse me."
DAVE "You want to suit up? We need all the help we can get."
DIANE "No, thank you, I can't even walk or dress myself."
DAVE "That's okay, neither can they."
DIANE "I wanted to talk to you about Toonces the Cat That Could Drive and Mr. Peepers."
DAVE "Say again?"
DIANE "Toonces and Peepers."
DAVE "Those names sound like they should mean something to me, but I'm just not--"
DIANE "Toonces! Peepers! Our cats!"
DAVE "The cat thing! Yes! Toonces and Peepers. Right. I've done something wrong again, haven't I?"
DIANE "I was wondering why two cats have been shitting all over the house since this morning while you are out here playing with your balls."
DAVE "I need the practice."
DIANE "That wasn't funny."
DAVE "It was a little funny."
DIANE "Lieutenant, would you feel very insulted if I recommended to your supervisor that he assign me a different husband?"
DAVE "Why?"
DIANE "I don't think you're fit to handle these cats."
DAVE "You don't even know me. Ordinarily it takes someone hours to discover I'm not fit to handle a cat."
DIANE just stares.
DAVE "Oh come on, that was damn funny."
DIANE moves close to DAVE to say this with a degree of confidentiality.
DIANE "I do know you. David Micheal Stegall, born November 8th, 1974 at Oconomowoc Hospital. Your father's Larry Stegall, former Teacher of the United States. You are going to Marquette Law on a Diane Stegall Welfare scholarship, probably because that's what your father wanted you to do, and now you're just treading water for the three years you've gotta serve in the D.A.s Office, just kinda layin' low til you can get out and get a real job. And if that's the situation, that's fine ' I won't tell anyone. But my feeling is that if these cats get handled in the same fast-food, slick-ass ' Persian Bazaar manner with which you seem to handle everything else, something's gonna get missed. And I wouldn't be doing my job if I allowed Toonces and Peepers to spend any more time shitting all over the house than absolutely necessary,because their owner had pre-determined the path of least resistance.
DAVE can't help but be impressed by that speech.
DAVE "Wow. I'm sexually aroused, Commander."
DIANE "You don't have a shot with me. And I don't think our cats are responcible for shitting all over the house."
DAVE " What are you basing this on?"
DIANE "You have never cleaned the litter box. I'm gonna speak to your supervisor."
DAVE "Okay. You go straight up 78th Street. It's the brick cape cod that had the murder in it."
DIANE "Thank you."
DAVE "I don't think you'll have much luck, though. We were married by Father Dan, remember? Somebody over there thinks I'm a good husband. So while I appreciate your interest and admire your enthusiasm, I think I can pretty much handle the cats myself."
DIANE "Do you know what a pooper scooper is?"
DAVE doesn't, but he doesn't say anything.
DIANE "What a pity."

SURVIVOR LEAGUE

I apologize but I may have misinformed a couple people. But now that the Monday night game is over and I have finally figured out who everyone picked and which teams won, I have the final three survivors / stooges. First, I would like to thank Pam and Preston for their honesty. They both could have pulled one over on me, but they choose not to. You both share the good sportsmanship award. Unfortunately, that award is in name alone and their will be no cash prizes for either of you. Alright now that that side track is over with, here is who is left:

Tree, but you can not pick Pittsburgh or Washington.

Stegall, but you can not pick Cincinnati or Philadelphia.

Sue and Zachary, but you can not pick Indianapolis or the New York Giants.

Here is the link to the Vegas Odds.

Hostile Takeover, I Don't Think So

Recently I was approached by one Dave "The General" Stegall about merging his pitiful blog site, One Sweet World, with my own. Begrugingly I have to admit that Dave is a very close friend, a lousy card player, not to mention poor gambler, but still a very close friend. However, I do not want his views, politics and opinions contaminating and disrupting the people that I have the privilage of calling my audience. Please feel free to browse One Sweet World, but I am sure that after a couple of minutes you will quickly learn that it really is no comparison to what I have to offer here. Do you really want to allow Dave, pictured above with his wife, Diane, imposing his commentary on life on you? I didn't think so. I want to take this time to thank you for being a faithful visitor to the "Life of Rickie" and I hope that you continue to enjoy the stories, useless information, and gambling endeavors that I have to offer. Thanks for being a reader. Rickie Davies.

Seinfeld

As many of you may know, I am a big fan of the Seinfeld. And my knowledge of the show is rarely questioned. However a couple weeks back any email was going around amongst a couple of us relating to the fake movie titles that they use in the show. Well I have done some research and this is the list that I have come up with. Most of you may not fine this amusing but those of you who know what I am talking about, well this list is for you.

Agent Zero
Blame it on the Rain
Blimp: The Hindenberg Story
Brown-Eyed Girl
Checkmate
Chow Fun
Chunnel
Cold Fusion
Cry, Cry Again
Cupid's Rifle
Death Blow
Extreme Measures
Firestorm
Means to an End
Mountain High
The Muted Heart
Plan 9 From Outer Space
Ponce de Leon
Prognosis Negative
Rochelle, Rochelle
Sack Lunch
The Other Side of Darkness

Spam on My Blog, I Don't Think So.

I am not sure if you have noticed or not. But there has been some Spam on my Blog. I am not happy about this but I have figured out how to delete the unsolicited comments of people sending them to their web sites. And for any other clowns that think this will be a great place to post a link to their web sites, think again. This Blog exists only for the glorification of my own name and ego.

Preston asked me to post a picture of him, unfortunately the only good one of him, had me in it. Here you go Bubs. And if I ever get a scanner I have a couple more not so flattering pictures to post. All in good time my friend. 

A Nearly Unpredictable First Week of Gambling

Wow. Only 11 of the 30 people entered into the Survivor League remain. First let me try to get the money out of the people no longer alive in the league before I deal with those that still have a shot at the $150.

The following people still owe me $5: Nate, The General, Mr. and Mrs. Truz, Borky, Ray , Fish, Eggener, Melon, Kakes, Spider, Moffatt and Todd. However seeing how so many people were eliminated in the first week, and it looks like we will have an opportunity to get at least another league together, if you would like to get into the next one, just give me $10.

I am sure that you all know who you picked but I will give everyone the run down of the teams that were selected.
St. Louis 9
Minnesota 6
Carolina 2
Denver 1
San Diego 1
As you probably know, those were all losers, as are the people who picked those teams.

As for those advancing, here is who is left and what teams they can no longer pick.
Tree - Washington
Villa - Washington
Ray - Washington
Sherman - Washington
The General - Cincinnati
Bubs - Cincinnati
Sue - N.Y. Giants
Kinky - N.Y. Giants
Truz - Buffalo
Joe - Pittsburgh
Pam - New England

Here are the Vegas Odds.

Gambling Addiction

This is for all of you who are in my Survivor League. There are 4 ways that you can get your pick to me. One you can call me. Two and Three you can email me at work or at home. Or Four you can post your pick on this blog site. Personally I would rather see you post your pick on this site. The biggest reason for that is that it makes it easer for me to make everyone's pick available for everyone else to see. Plus I will post the teams that you have already picked each week here at this site. Also I will make a link available that you can go to for help to see the spreads according to the odds makers.


I think you all understand the rules by now. Normally you will have to get your pick in before the games start at noon on Sunday. And actually that will be the case this week as well. Unless you want to pick either Oakland or New England, because their game is on Thursday, you will have to get that pick in to me before that game starts.

I am pretty sure that I won't win this league, because I never win any of the gambling endeavors that I take upon (see last year's Super Bowl), but I will also post my pick here each week so no one thinks that I am cheating. So this week I am taking the Purple People Eaters, the Minnesota Vikings.

I realize that most of you are good for the money, however, to keep me from getting stiffed on the money for the league, you will have to make arrangements with me to get me the $5 before games start in week 3 (that would be Sept 25th). If I don't have the money by then your pick will no longer count and you are out of the league. Again this is a winner take all league. I am expecting about 30 people so this is an opportunity to win $150.

As of right now this is who has paid and is in:

Me
Roman
TT
Joe
Preston
Tree
Jeff
Sue
Deb
Tim
Sherman
Villa

Good luck and let me know if you have any questions.