Preston's Pants Or Lack There Of

Summer of 2000

Last night was looking to be another loser sitting at home and just watching TV. My old roommate, Justus, had just driven all the way from Whitewater to Milwaukee just to use my washer and dryer. And my roommates Ed and Preston were in Hartland playing basketball and cribbage at a bar respectively. Preston came home in a bit of an intoxicated state, but nothing all that out of hand. Justus in the mean time had invited his girlfriend, Carrie, out to my house so that they could spend some time together. This is kind of funny because Justus doesn’t live here any more. Preston had talked to Carrie and wanted to go out to the bars. So when everyone was assembled Preston and Carrie were ready to go to the bars. They asked me to go, I said sure. Justus didn't want to go. Carrie called her friend Amy to meet us there. Oh and Ed went to bed. So it was just Carrie, Amy, Preston and I down at Leff's Lucky Town. I should mention at this time, that Preston didn't get all too dressed up to attend the bar, nor does he need to, but his attire is important for the sake of the story. Preston was sporting a wife beater white T-shirt, and dress shirt over the top, and a pair of shorts with no undergarment underneath mind you. As the night wears on we played some darts and shoot some pool and have a couple of drinks. As closing time approaches, Carrie, Amy and I are talking at one end of the bar, the bartender approaches and says "That guy at the end of the bar said you guys would buy him a shot." Of course there was Preston with a big grin on his face. So we took the money out of his wallet that he left on the bar over by us and paid. And this point being the good friend that I am I took his wallet so he wouldn't leave it behind at the bar. Then I figured since he wanted to drink shots I would get him one he wouldn't soon for get. So I asked the bartender if she knew how to make a Buffalo Tongue. She didn't so I explained the contents. Simply pour the entire spill over on the brown rubber thing they pour drinks on it poured into a shot glass. Of course knowing that Preston is drunk and just wants more alcohol I watch him smell it. Grab someone else's beer to chase it and of course do it. Now yes this is funny, but this is not the end of the story. Carrie Amy and I are ready to leave and actually the bouncers would like to see us leave too. Preston is now asking other people if he can finish their beers. And we are almost to the door. There are maybe 20 to 30 people still inside and 10 or so standing just outside of the door and Preston is just inside the door talking to this girl. She doesn't seem too thrilled to be talking to him at this point so I try physically pulling him out of the bar, that did not work. So I come up from behind him, grab the bottom of his shorts and drop them to the ankles. And if you remember Preston started this evening at the bar going commando. So he is standing there in a drunk state for a good 5 or 6 seconds with his dork out in the wind for all to see. The girl is gone at this point laughing with the people outside of the bar at the full moon that wasn't suppose to present itself last night, and the people inside of the bar are all now blind. He finally got himself together and again clothed and made his way to the car and we were able to leave.