Another one from the Archives: How Not to Talk to the Ladies

I am guessing this was the summer of 1994 or 1995.

This story was a request from my sister in law, Julie. And it also goes out to Mrs. Debbie Nevermann who mentions this story to me everytime I see her. Now the details of this story are a bit sketchy, but I will try to replay things as best as I can, and if any one remembers better than I, please make your comments known. We had a group of guys, the only ones that I recall for sure that were there, were Nate and Krum. We had been out, I am not sure if this was a Summerfest night or not, regardless we ended up back at Judges on North Avenue. And I am sure that we had all been drinking quite a bit, this being the common theme with almost all of my college stories. As we were mingling around the bar we came across a group of girls. I don’t recall how many there were, or how good looking all of them were, but I know that there was one girl who was an absolute knockout. I know that Krum had taken a pretty big swing at the title with this girl and got nowhere. And a couple other guys from our group also tried to spark up a little conversation with this young vixen. But as each guy stepped up to the plate, this girl quickly shut down each one, and with authority might I add. Being the intellectual that I am, I realize that I have no shot at all, but I am not going to let this young starlet make us look like a bunch of chumps, even though that is what we were. Allow me to set the scene, we are in a semi crowded bar, the music is playing over the sound system yet not too loud, and no one is dancing. My group of guys is easy within earshot of the girl we all wish to make our own, at least for one evening. So I stroll up to her and I say, “Do you want to dance?” She looked me up and down, and with a look of disgust on her face, like she had just been sucking on a lemon for a half an hour she says with her stuck up attitude, “No!” Almost praying for that response, I retort loudly with, “No, you didn’t hear me. I said you look fat in those pants.” And with that I turned and walked back to my friends. I remember Krum saying to me, “Dude, what are you doing?” To which I replied to my good friend, “Krum we had no shot.”